im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
40s are totally the cure
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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