Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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