Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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