false alarm. still invincible.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
