he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
