i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
