Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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