You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
