Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
