I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
