I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
