I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She bit a glass in half.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
