So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
