We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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