peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
