would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
