So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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