from now on my penis is your penis
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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