Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
