She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My bed smells like the plague
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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