I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
