Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
