My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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