Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
