When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
