I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
