id be glad to
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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