Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
