Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
