I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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