Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
