I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
