i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
