I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
