We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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