dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
