What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
