If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
