Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
