Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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