you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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