btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
