I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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