thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
