toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
