Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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