theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
