Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
