After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Walk of Shame today included voting.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
