your parents love me but you hate me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
