Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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